We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

-Maya Angelou

When you see a person who looks like they’ve got their life altogether, you may not be aware of the growth process it took to get there—or the process they’re currently in for that matter.

Although there are numerous ways to work on oneself and grow mentally and emotionally, like nutritional changes, exercise, self-help books, etc., most people stay stuck in significant ways because they have preconceived notions of therapy.

Ongoing Difficulties Cause People to Entertain the Idea of Therapy

But as they deal with ongoing difficulties in life, the idea of seeing a therapist sounds alluring, although that feeling may wax and wane. Many ask, “What’s the point of going to therapy or counseling anyway?” which usually comes up because of the mixed feelings they have about seeing a therapist and what it’s all about. Many think they survived up ‘til now and may feel a strong pull against going.

It may sound a bit dramatic, but deep-seated fears or hesitancies are often the culprit for keeping people on the fence, and often people attribute their hesitancy to cost or other practical reasons. But the real reasons are often more complicated than that–because as humans we’re all so unique and complicated. The intricacies of who we are and what makes up our personality are multi-faceted.

Most People Struggle Mentally and Emotionally to Varying Degrees

In fact, the latest psychological research tells us that the majority of us struggle mentally and emotionally in a variety of ways–to different degrees–in adulthood. Some of us don’t even realize what’s going on inside us to know if there’s an issue to tend to, but we usually experience difficulties in relationships. Whether it’s family or romantic relationships, friendships or work relationships, bonds between two people are often where our own issues come into play.

And, it’s in these relationships where we are affected the most and where we affect others. These interpersonal issues are also where other issues originate, such as difficult conflicts, co-dependency, obsessions and addictions, and unhealed trauma, as well as personality and other issues. 

But most of us can feel really lost not knowing what to do to make things better (I can remember feeling that too prior to my therapeutic journey). We can try all sorts of things to make changes in our lives only to feel disappointed and frustrated. This can lead us to seek help from somewhere or someone. Having both a hope and a need that someone can help mixed with the notion that, “I don’t know if anyone can help me or how they would.”

Although we are all unique, there are many similarities psychologically speaking, and general rules that apply to our human nature, and therefore how therapy, or counseling, can help.

1. Experienced and seasoned therapists provide emotional support when going through a difficult time. Whether it’s a loss in the family, a life transition or challenging relationship, a therapist can give you the kind of care, empathy and support you need to process the situation in order to feel better and more resilient. A therapist is someone who gives you their undivided attention (to listen beyond the words and actions that you’re expressing), attempts to see things from your point of view and as they get to know you in ever-increasing ways, expresses their support and care through the rapport and relationship that’s co-created with you, and personalized to what your specific relational needs are.
2. Therapy can improve relationships and one’s overall relational pattern with others. Even if we’re not dealing with ongoing conflict or a severe problem, engaging in counseling sessions can help you identify how to improve your relationships, whether it’s with a significant other, work relationships or friendships. A counselor can help you see where the other person has issues contributing to the problem in the relationship and can help you navigate that. They can also empower you to see your part in the matter, and help you assert your needs, communicate effectively and navigate situations that require care and sensitivity. Therapists can also help you be a better parent and understand what you’re doing well and how you might be able to improve certain aspects of your child rearing.
3. Therapy can help you overcome effects of a difficult past, or parts of your life that may have been traumatic. When you know that you’ve had circumstances in your childhood or adult life that were dysfunctional, there’s a part of you that knows deep down that it left a lasting effect. Though you may not be aware of how, or to what extent. It may be a sense or a feeling you have, that there’s stuff about you that you don’t understand but would like to. Regardless of your perception of it now, an experienced therapist can help you sift through all that, by providing compassion, empathy and a way to put all the pieces of the puzzle together (if they’re experienced enough to guide you in that). It’s a co-created process, so as you open up and disclose more, they can help you in ways that apply personally to your situation. By taking in all the details and listening undistracted, they can help you resolve issues and come up with solutions.

There’s Misconceptions of What Seeing a Therapist is About

A lot of people think talking to an experienced therapist is like venting to a friend or asking someone for advice. And while there are times people vent to therapists and ask for advice, it’s so much more than that. Talking to a friend at a park or restaurant isn’t quite the same as sitting face to face with someone who has the ability to not only help you feel better and resolve specific problems in your life, but can also help you to grow and become more of the person you have the capacity to be.

Tyra Butler is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice for 11 years now and is the owner of The Center for Couples & Family Therapy in Corona, Ca, She grew a successful practice first in Newport Beach, Ca. and now Corona, Ca. She has a passion for helping individuals and families to grow in a myriad of ways, resolving conflict and creating more peace and harmony within relationships. She is a successful therapist and clinical supervisor specializing in healing attachment , from a psychodynamic and emotionally focused approach. She has extensive post-graduate training in EMDR, psychodynamic theory, DBT, mindfulness and attachment science. www.tyrabutler.com.